How to have a Happy Relationship
from within. Only a healthy individual
can enter into a healthy relationship. Develop the healthy characteristics
within that are necessary to attract the healthy relationship you desire.
Reality vs. Fantasy. Healthy relationships are based in reality. Each person is
aware of his own strengths and weaknesses. Unhealthy relationships, by
contrast, are based on fantasy. What could be or should be replaces what is.
Completing vs. Finding Completion. In a healthy
relationship, each person finds joy in sharing in the other person’s growth, in
playing a role in “completing” the other. In an unhealthy relationship the
focus is on completing oneself. This selfish dynamic is at the heart of
codependency. Too many people fling half a person into a relationship,
expecting that it will be completed by the other. It never works. No one can
ever meet such expectations.
Friendship vs. Victimization. A healthy relationship
can be described as two good friends becoming better friends. The strongest and
most successful relationships – even the most passionate and romantic marriages
– have this kind of true friendship at the base. Where this base of true
friendship is absent, the relationship is shallow and susceptible to being
marked by victimization.
vs. Expecting to Receive. The
joy of giving to another for the sole purpose of love feels so inwardly
gratifying. So few individuals really
experience this type of joy. When we
expect the other person to give first before we make changes, we are then
moving into a codependent relationship.
Starting from within and becoming the person we desire to be will help
attract the true joy of life.
Forgiveness vs. Resentment. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift between two
people. A relationship flourishes when we are willing to forgive past hurts and
disappointments. Out of love, partners take the hurt and disappointment of the
past and burn it up in the flames of forgiveness. We free ourselves to begin again. To learn from the past and make the future
Security vs. Fear. We provide a safe
environment for each person to feel safe to express self and become
vulnerable. Often people come from such
insecure childhoods they do not know how to create this type of
relationship. When we truly love one
another, then there is no fear. Perfect
love eliminates fear. *When we shift from trying to use others to
satisfy our security needs to trying to meet the security needs of others, we
find ourselves in a new dimension. We are focusing on their needs, not ours. We become more loving externally on the other and
totally selfless. That is the kind of love that drives out fear and provides
Vulnerability vs. Defensiveness. In a secure environment,
a person is free to open up and be vulnerable. It is wonderful to feel safe to
make mistakes and know that understanding and forgiveness is available. Building our self-awareness to feel safe
within and provide it without is the greatest tool for healthy
Honesty vs. Deception. There is no way to build a lasting, healthy
relationship on a foundation of dishonesty or secrecy. True honesty must be at
the core of a relationship; there is no substitution. We must be true to ourselves and therefore
true to others to be genuinely happy.